The most interesting grocery store line-up conversation I've ever had

So I was at the IGA today. There was a man in front of me in line. He was singing a crazy song to the tune of "Row, row, row your boat" to a child in front of him. The child looked frightened. The parent was working hard to ignore him. The child left. He turned to me.

Crazy Man - Wow! You really like your vegetables. Do you work in that field?

Me - In the vegetable field?

Crazy Man - Well...no...You look active. You must have an active job that deals with nature. Or maybe you're in business (sinister tone). Maybe you're a businessman. I just don't know. What do you do for work?

Me - I don't know how to answer that question.

Crazy Man - I'm a poet, of course.

Me - Of course!

Crazy Man - I just finished my latest book. It's called blah blah blah. It's very uplifting.

Me - Sorry. What's it called?

Crazy Man - Things don't make a man (or something along those lines).

Me - I'll be sure to check that out.

Crazy Man - Well... you won't find it in the usual publishing channels. I've been giving it away until it becomes published. I wrote it in pen and ink. So it's very real.

Me - Well. Good luck!

Crazy Man - I've already had my luck. I've realized my life's ambition.

Then he stood there for a while and just kind of looked a bit crazy. And left.

Who needs Canadian workers?

I really like to write companies e-mails and tell them what I think. If somebody does something really good or really bad....or even just slightly bad...I like to tell them what I think.

I just got a new computer that I'm really happy with, but there's a few really stupid things on it. So I decided to write to HP and tell them about it. This was my first message (this is just the text portion of an input box, so it's a bit out of context):

I just bought this computer and am quite happy with it. However, I have a bit of feedback to give.

1) The USB ports almost seem to be out of alignment a bit. It's very difficult to get USB cables in and out of the computer.

2) The single button mouse is a novel solution, but it's too stiff.

3) Lastly, and worst of all...the keyboard. You've stuffed too much on here. Making the enter and shift buttons smaller than usual is the most terrible thing. I find the keyboard to be unusable right now. Hopefully I will get used to it. But I don't think I can un-learn 20 years of typing. What were you thinking?

Other than that, I'm quite enjoying the computer. Other than all the junk and extra programs that I've spent two days removing from it.

It's not my finest work, but I was rushed. Anyhow, easily within 3-4 hours, "Simon" wrote me back:

Hello Dave,

Thank you for contacting HP Total Care.

First, I would like to thank you for your valuable feedback. Regarding USB, As your notebook is brand new and non used, you are experiencing issue with the USB ports. Once you use notebook for specific time period then the USB ports will get easy to handle. As the hardware of the notebook brand new you are experiencing stiff to handle. Considering notebook compact size the key board design is made easy to fit on the notebook. This is the reason of keys are small. Once again, thanks for you feedback. If you need further assistance, please reply to this message and we will be happy to assist you further. For information on keeping your HP and Compaq products up and running, please visit our Web site at: http://www.hp.com/go/totalcare

Sincerely,
Simon

What an awesome message. It's like some sort of robot or thinking computer responded. They weren't offering me a free replacement computer, so I just went on with my day. Today, I got another message from "Simon".

Hello Dave,
Thank you for contacting HP Total Care.

This e-mail is a follow up to your recent e-mail experience regarding your HP Product. This is to verify if the information provided to you for your HP notebook has answered the query. As we have not heard from you since our last communication, this e-mail is to verify the status of the issue. If your question has not been answered properly, please respond to us with a detailed description of the results. We will be glad to assist you further. Our goal for this program is to provide an efficient and helpful e-mail support experience, and so we would like to be sure that the issue has been completely resolved from your perspective. If you have further questions, please reply and we will be happy to help you.

Sincerely,
Simon
HP Total Care

This message is also fairly awesome. Not quite as good, as I think they had an actual human write the form letter before "Simon" sent it out. But, who doesn't like talking to a robot? So I responded to "Simon".

Well. I was mostly just giving feedback.

I'm still not totally happy with the keyboard and I think you should avoid making a computer like that in the future. It's almost impossible to tell that it will be an issue until you get home and start working on it. Now I'm kind of stuck with it.

As for the USB...hopefully it gets better. I've just never experienced anything like that before. It's very stiff. It doesn't seem right.

Dave

Looking back...how many chances do you get to talk to a robot? I really should have put more effort into this. Apparently though, "Simon" is pretty focussed on certain things. So, an hour later, "Victor" wrote me back:

Hi Dave,
Thank you for writing back to us.

I have gone through the description in your previous email’s carefully and realize your concern regarding this issue.

Dave, at HP we strive for customer satisfaction and it is our constant endeavor to provide enhanced services to our esteemed customers.

However, we appreciate and value your feedback on our company's product. Your message was reviewed and forwarded to the appropriate individuals and they will do the needful.
If you need further assistance, please reply to this message and we will be happy to assist you further

For information on keeping your HP and Compaq products up and running, please visit our Web site at: http://www.hp.com/go/totalcare

Sincerely,
Victor

Any person, place or thing using the word "endeavor" in a communique has my utmost respect. But honestly, how awesome? I mean, I'm just some idiot writing to complain about a keyboard and they're actually not telling me to cuss off? What the cuss? It's pretty awesome. I'll add updates if it gets more interesting.

On a side note, how awesome was Fantastic Mr. Fox?

SR-71

I think the SR-71 Blackbird is just about the most amazing object there is. This story provides an interesting look at actually flying one.

The Museum of Flight at Boeing Field in Seattle has an M-21 Blackbird, an earlier variant of the SR-71. I think it's worth the trip just to look at this airplane. It's one of those things that I could just stand and look at for hours.

You can see from the picture in the SR-71 article how crazy, confusing and old the controls are. How the hell would you fly the thing?

Holy.

Crap. This is amazing.

I know, I know. I stole it from boingboing. But it's really amazing.

Firebird

I remember growing up hating Firebirds. Just thinking that they are the stupidest car ever. I was so disgusted by them. The late 70's into '81, '82 in particular. And then...it was probably around 1999 or so. It all changed. I somehow just got it. And I've wanted one ever since.

I remember watching Pimp My Ride a few years ago when they did up about a 1980 Firebird. It was so awesome. I fell in love.

Anyhow. This post excites me. It's amazing that somebody could be so crazy about Firebirds.

I looked at one a few years ago. It was out at the Shuswap and it was propane. White. My dream is to have one with a matching bicycle trailer. If I had a garage, I probably would have bought it.

Parallel Giant Slalom

Parallel Giant Slalom is a stupid sport that doesn't belong in the Olympics. I spent two days in terrible weather watching a boring sport and I'm not happy about it. Now, there was one exciting moment. We ended up slipping down the course 1 or 2 heats before the 2nd run of the gold medal final. Amazingly, the crowd had sat through a day of snow, rain and cold but were all really pumped up. When old Jasey-Jay Anderson came down and managed to create a win out of thin air, it was pretty exciting. But one exciting moment in two days of competition does not make for an Olympic event. Here's why:

1) The course was so dull. World Cup GS races (skiing) do not take place on blue square runs that are about 30 seconds long. If they did, they would be boring. If they had no terrain, they would be boring. They would also be more similar to parallel giant slalom.

2) The athletes are inconsistent. Yes, I know, you can't be perfect for the 50 runs that is required to win a gold medal. But still, I was shocked at how consistently sketchy many of the racers looked while completing their runs.
3) This race makes no sense and is hard to follow. There's so many runs and every athlete looks the same. I even knew what was going on and I had a hard time following it. Everybody understands skiercross/boardercross. Be one of the first two down the mountain and you move on. I can't remember how many times I heard "What? They have to go down again?" over those two days.

This whole theory can best be proven by telling you about a conversation with a photographer on my way down the course. See, we were slipping down the course between every freaking run. Like, thousands of times up and down the course. We'd do half of the run between each heat and then finish it up and head back around to the top. At one point I was beside either a Reuters or AP photographer. This was as I slipped down before the 2nd run of the bronze medal heat.

Photo Guy - "How many heats are left."
Me - "I'm not entirely sure. I think the next one might be the second heat for the bronze medal."
PG - "God. This makes no sense. This is the most uninteresting sport I've ever photographed. You get like 10 chances to win a medal. All these runs..."
Me - "Well...I think it's more that you get 10 chances to screw up and not win a medal."
PG - "No. (looks annoyed) It's definitely 10 chances to win a medal. I wish I had 10 chances to win a medal."

Then he looked even more annoyed and walked off. I don't even think he took a picture of the bronze medal heat. He was just angry and bored. And wet.

Anyhow. My Olympics ended with the Jasey-Jay Anderson gold medal. Once again, I was in the finish. I'm 3 for 3 on being in the finish and Canada getting a gold medal. And then I got the hell out of there and never looked back.

Canada-Russia

As we watched Canada wallop Germany, we were still unsure as to when they would be playing their quarterfinal game. Then there was the announcement - "Canada next plays Russia at 4:30 tomorrow." I quickly phoned Matt. "Those tickets are for 4:30 tomorrow, right?" Yes. Indeed they were.

The process started many months ago. Nobody believes me. But it all came down to careful planning. During the inital round of ticket purchases, none of the games had countries attached. Buying a preliminary ticket became a massive crapshoot. The gold medal tickets were too expensive. The semifinals seemed to be a bit unreasonable too. But the quarters...why, they were hardly more than a preliminary game. As well, there were only 4 of them and I speculated that they would make all attempts to put Canada in to the time zone that suited the East Coast of Canada the best. So we went for the 4:30 tickets and it worked out.

I was pretty happy to go to a Canada game and it seemed even more exciting as the hype for the Russia game was crazy. I arrived early and took in the atmosphere. I think every single person going in was wearing either Russia or Canada merchandise of some type. It was pretty crazy.

The seats we had were top bowl, second row back from the edge, right above the 1st/3rd period Canada goal. It was the best vantage point I've had in the top bowl at GM Place. It gave good perspective on the game. We were also able to see the crowd of people rushing the Wayner, asking for autographs.
The crowd, the signs, the crazy Russians, the excessive amounts of beer. It was all just too much for the senses. When Canada scored it's first goal...holy shit. I've never witnessed such an eruption in person before. High fives ran rampant. It was a crazy scene.

The jubilance lent itself well to more beer. As the game became a bit of a blowout everything got a bit muddy. It's all now just a haze of red and beers. I add pictures just to prove that I was there.

I said to Matt at some point in the second period that I wished it wasn't turning into as much of a blowout. His response was "I think we should take it. Lets go get more beer." Seemed like a fitting theme for the night.