Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Jandek is a once in a lifetime experience

I would imagine that the first rap shows generated a whole lot of critics complaining that the music made no sense and was unlistenable. A similar thing probably happened when people first heard punk, or even rock'n roll. I'm sure that Jackson Pollock and Picasso probably had a lot of naysayers who didn't understand what it was that they were trying to create. So, there's a definite history of people being before their time with art, but I'm more than confident that 30 years from now I won't be eating my words about Jandek.

Imagine that you've taken several instruments and hung them from a tree in a windstorm. Or, you stuck five musicians in a room, gave them all really, really expensive earplugs and told them to play whatever the hell they wanted. I think your chances are pretty good that you would be able to create something more musical than the typical Jandek song.

The oddest thing about the whole Jandek thing, is the ridiculous fan worship that he generates from the people that "get it". Take a look at this website. Read about this guy. It's crazy. It makes absolutely no sense.

But...I think I've made sense of it all. I think that there isn't actually anything to get. I think this is just a colossal joke played on the rest of the world. I think that Jandek, sorry, the Representative from Corwood Industries, is actually John Malkovich acting out an elaborate performance art routine. There's absolutely no other explanation for this.

So, with that, I'll leave you with my guide for creating a Jandek song.

1) Slowly pick and strum random notes on your guitar. Be careful not to address the audience or even to look in their direction.

2) Have the drummer build a drum beat completely unrelated to any note played on the guitar, without any discernable rhythm.

3) As the noise slowly builds, have everybody else on stage create noises at inconsistent intervals.

4) Build to a crescendo.

5) With your haunting, monotone voice, add lyrics written for a second year poetry class.

6) Continue for several minutes.

7) Abruptly taper off noise making.

8) End song.

Update - I had a lot to say about this show. Payback Time.

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