Thursday, November 5, 2009

Apparently you can feel better at the expense of others.

So I was leaving the parking lot today, and there was a guy blocking our entranceway with his car. By "guy" I mean "total douchebag". By "car" I mean "tarted up Hummer". Not only a tarted up Hummer, but the worst kind of tarted up Hummer. Extra Hummer logos. Lots of chrome bits added on. Giant, ugly chrome rims. The worst.

There was barely enough room for a car to squeeze out and it sent me into a blind rage. I started running through a number of scenarios in my head.

1) Scenario One - Repeatedly running into douche-Hummer with my car - Perhaps a little too violent. Could result in damage to my car.

2) Scenario Two - Grabbing some sort of object and smashing things on the Hummer - No smashing objects immediately apparent. Could result in me straining my back.

3) Scenario Three - Summoning up some sort of nasty something from deep in my intestines and depositing it on the hood of the Hummer - Somewhat childish. Might not be noticed.

So, I did nothing. I squeezed out beside the Hummer and turned for home. Until...

In my rearview mirror I caught a glimpse of the telltale high visibility uniform of Vancouver's Finest - The Parking Enforcement Branch. I hung a quick U-Turn, opened my window and attracted her attention.

It took a while to explain what I was talking about, but the enforcement officer eventually caught on to my enthusiasm and, I think, bought in to my excitement at the prospect of giving out a parking ticket. I don't think she receives parking ticket encouragement all that often. She ran across the road with her ticket book out and I drove off with the knowledge that Hummer guy was going to get a ticket.

Honestly, it felt great. I was just so happy that this guy was going to get a ticket. Unreasonably happy. It's funny how the small things can set you off. But the feeling of entitlement shown by parking your FUCKING HUMMER IN FRONT OF THE FUCKING DRIVEWAY OF A FUCKING 200-PERSON WORKPLACE deserves a parking ticket as the bare minimum of payback. Honestly. This guy probably beats up kittens in his spare time.

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