Cluster!

Oh my gosh. How to sum up my last two days of Olympics? What a crazy cluster. In point form:

- Cypress is in trouble. I was amazed from afar at how much they'd done, but after sliding down the boardercross/skiercross course today...egads! It's slush. It's not finished. Training starts tomorrow. Trouble.
- There are some neat things though...like wooden jumps. And apparently the pipe is in good shape. The grandstands are crazy. And it's so wet.
- These buses will kill me. I rode a bus today that was fully loaded with people ready to go to Cypress. And we drove 30 seconds and had to unload and get on another bus because the first was just a shuttle. A 30 second shuttle.
- The opening ceremony was crazy. Crazy line-ups. Crazy questionable pieces of Canada. Crazy hard to hear. Crazy. We were at the dress rehearsal down on the floor behind the giant...oops....that would be a spoiler. We almost had Andre the Giant sit in front of us but then he went away and we were happy. Oh, somebody stole Andrea's ticket at the security check! Crazy.

It's all crazy. What is exploding right now?

Oh, you may remember this....

From such photos as this...
It's just sitting there. Rotting. About 25 feet from the main grandstands. Very weird. More explosions.

Cypress + Other Shots

So, last Thursday I went up to Cypress for my final Olympic training. It was interesting to see what was going on. The bleachers and whatnot are pretty mind boggling. There's more snow than I expected, but still a lot of brown spots. This is a shot from the bleachers looking up at the moguls/aerials course. They seem good to go.


Other than that, I went out the other night and took some time lapse photos of the light display in Vanier Park. It's oddly fascinating to watch and photograph.


And. Finally. A photo from Manning Park a few weeks ago.

Olympics - Accreditation and Uniform Pick-up

So. It looks like I'm in the thick of this volunteering thing. I wrote a long post about the decisions that got me to this point and the crap from Vanoc that I've put up with. But it all doesn't really matter. Here I am and here it comes. I will now embrace the humour.

The funniest thing about volunteering is the other volunteers. Imagine every keener that you've ever met that likes to feel important by telling everybody else about everything that they do. Ya, that guys there. Imagine every failed freestyler/snowboarder/nordic racer/alpinist that compensated for their lack of skill by becoming a coach/instructor/official. Yep, him to. (I guess I might fall into that one) Imagine every old person that just thinks the Olympics are neat. Lots of them. And imagine the overweight girl at work that nobody likes and she talks really loudly and you wonder what she does with her spare time. Well, apparently she's volunteering for the Olympics. It's an impressive bunch.

All of the "training sessions" have flowed into one blurb in my mind, but the Accreditation and Uniform Pick-up last night was just to special to pass up.

So, it starts with driving out to the PNE. Then, you line up outside (10 minutes) where you make your way through a door and a girl checks you off a list. Then, you walk around a corner, line up again (8 minutes) where a group of people check your identification and give you a little card with your name on it. Then, you walk around another corner where you line up again (5 minutes) and you visit one of 10 stations (only 5 of them functioning) where a lady who has probably never used a computer before works a complicated digicam/computer set-up to take your picture. Then you walk around another corner where some people are lined up but others aren't (I was one of the lucky ones) and you pick up your completed accreditation card. Then you walk around another corner to see the largest line of the night and you line up again (15 minutes) so that another group of two ladies that has never worked a computer once again checks your name and gives you a piece of paper on which all of your uniform sizes will be filled out. Then, you walk down a hallway to a waiting room, where you take a number, look sadly at your number '36' and see that they are on '11', look at the roomful of defeated people, and then you wait once again (15 minutes) to be called into the uniform room. Then, they finally call your name and you go try everything on and a lady checks everything off on your list and you walk down another really long hall that is actually a maze set out on the far end of a hockey rink and you line up again (7 minutes) in order to hand your piece of paper to another lady who then grabs all of your clothing items off of a shelf and puts them in a bag for you. Then, you walk through another opening and line up again (2 minutes) where another lady who doesn't know much about computers takes everything out of your bag, scans it, puts it back into your bag and then makes you sign a form. Then you're done. Unless you want to buy 15% off Bay gift certificates which may or may not work in the Olympic Store. Thankfully, I did not, so I was done.

It was all just so surreal that it was funny. And the best part of the night...

While standing in the line waiting to get my piece of paper with all my uniform stuff on it, some guy turned to me and started talking to me. He was about 50. Male pattern baldness. Looked kind of like the guy in the Tire Commercials...the really annoying one? Anyhow this is how it goes:

"Have you heard anything about the Opening Ceremony?"
-"Ahhh...No. Not really."
"Yep. They're pretty tight-lipped about it."
-"I would imagine"
"I've been trying to find out about it. Do a little bit of investigation. Haven't found out anything yet. Say...where are you working?"
-"Up at Cypress."
"Oh ya. Doing what?"
-"Slipping....Course maintenance."
"Oh ya. Ever done that before?"
-"Yep. Quite a bit. I used to ski race, so it's just one of those things that you end up doing a lot of. How about you? Where are you at?"
"Canada hockey place. I'm a blurglepuss (some form of mumbled medical professional)."

He then talked for quite a while about that. I asked him questions as it seemed easier than answering his questions. Then his buddy showed up. Then it was time to get our piece of paper.

So, I walked into the room, took my number, put my headphones in and started texting for my ride. He sees me. Comes over.

"What you doin'? Listening to music?"
-"Ummm....no. Not yet. Texting my girlfriend to tell her not to pick me up yet."
"Oh ya. Wanna use my phone?"
-"No....No thankyou. Thanks."
"Ya. I just got this phone. I don't really know how to use it though. I think it has voicemail. Does your phone have voicemail?"
-(at this point I'm talking to him kind of like he's a child. A slow child.)"Yep...most phones do. Say, what kind of phone do you have?"
(He pulls out his iPhone)"One of these guys. Ya...I was down at GM Place and all the other doctors had one. So I went next door to Costco and bought one. Haven't really figured it out yet."
(We spend the next few minutes scrolling through things. He points out text messages that he has received from his daughter. I look in his music folder and he has none. It's all quite amazing.)
-"Ya. You pretty much have a ferrari and you're driving it at 30 km/hr in a school zone. Did you see where the bathroom was?"

I leave and go to the bathroom. When I get back, he says to me in a really low voice "My buddy gave me a bit of an upgrade in my number. Here, you can have mine." So he shows me that he is now number '33' and he gives me his '35'. I thank him and can just not think of anything else to say.

So, if you're watching an Olympic hockey game and feel the old chest pains kicking in, good luck with all that.

Vancouver Kitchen Merchandise

Well. I finally saw some of the Vancouver merchandise based off my i ride here shirt design out in the wild. I missed the Whole Foods display by a few days, but I saw this stuff at The Kettle Black (or whatever it's called) on 4th.

Jandek is a once in a lifetime experience

I would imagine that the first rap shows generated a whole lot of critics complaining that the music made no sense and was unlistenable. A similar thing probably happened when people first heard punk, or even rock'n roll. I'm sure that Jackson Pollock and Picasso probably had a lot of naysayers who didn't understand what it was that they were trying to create. So, there's a definite history of people being before their time with art, but I'm more than confident that 30 years from now I won't be eating my words about Jandek.

Imagine that you've taken several instruments and hung them from a tree in a windstorm. Or, you stuck five musicians in a room, gave them all really, really expensive earplugs and told them to play whatever the hell they wanted. I think your chances are pretty good that you would be able to create something more musical than the typical Jandek song.

The oddest thing about the whole Jandek thing, is the ridiculous fan worship that he generates from the people that "get it". Take a look at this website. Read about this guy. It's crazy. It makes absolutely no sense.

But...I think I've made sense of it all. I think that there isn't actually anything to get. I think this is just a colossal joke played on the rest of the world. I think that Jandek, sorry, the Representative from Corwood Industries, is actually John Malkovich acting out an elaborate performance art routine. There's absolutely no other explanation for this.

So, with that, I'll leave you with my guide for creating a Jandek song.

1) Slowly pick and strum random notes on your guitar. Be careful not to address the audience or even to look in their direction.

2) Have the drummer build a drum beat completely unrelated to any note played on the guitar, without any discernable rhythm.

3) As the noise slowly builds, have everybody else on stage create noises at inconsistent intervals.

4) Build to a crescendo.

5) With your haunting, monotone voice, add lyrics written for a second year poetry class.

6) Continue for several minutes.

7) Abruptly taper off noise making.

8) End song.

Update - I had a lot to say about this show. Payback Time.

Best of 2009

I feel like this has been a pretty fantastic year for recorded music, but a little bit boring for live music. I don't know. Maybe it's just that I'm getting old, I just have a hard time getting excited about shows these days. Anyhow, here it goes.

Maddening Disappointments

White Rabbits - It's Frightening - Hooray! Britt Daniel made another Spoon album using a different band! That's what we need. More Spoon!

The Twilight Sad - Forget the Night Ahead - I don't really understand what happened here.

Rancid - Let the Dominoes Fall - Rancid are such a guilty pleasure for me. This was a sad, sad joke. The worst, really.

Islands - Vapours - I think if I had seen this show I would feel differently about this album. But I didn't. So now I'm convinced that maybe he only had one good album in him. Or, judging from the Clues album, he needs somebody with manic energy to calculate whatever it is he has going on.

AC Newman - Get Guilty - What's wrong with JVC and iPods? If I don't have something already playing on my iPod, this album comes up when I plug it in to the stereo. It's maddening because this album kind of sucks.

It could go on, really. Trail of Dead...what? I didn't even know that NOFX put out a new album this year. That's crazy. I hope it's better than the Rancid album.

Good Songs That Weren't on Albums Good Enough to Make the List

Real Estate - Beach Comber
Jay Reatard - It Ain't Gonna Save Me
Girls - Lust For Life

Stuff That Was Quite Good but That I'm not Ready to Put a Number On

The XX - XX - I'm torn on this one. As JD says, it all sort of sounds like one song. But it's usually a pretty good song.

M. Ward - Hold Time - I like M. Ward. He cranked out a pretty good one here.

Atlas Sound - Logos - Good stuff. Nothing else to say. How does he write so many songs?

Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavillion + Fall Be Kind EP - I was close to throwing this down below. I think they will be on enough year end best of's that I'm keeping them off mine.

Dan Deacon - Bromst - It's no Spiderman of the Rings, but it's a good album. His addition of a band to his live show also puts that whole experience in a whole new league.

The Antlers - Hospice - I went a bit back and forth on this guy. I stick it here though. Rather than down below.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - It's Blitz! This almost, almost got put down below. Not quite though. It doesn't seem like this is the same band that made Fever to Tell.

Update - The Rural Alberta Advantage - Hometowns - Doy! This was in iTunes as a 2008 album and I missed it. Oops.

The Best Albums - 3 of Them to be Exact

3 - The Harlem Shakes - Technicolor Health - I really can't put my finger on why I like this band so much. Pitchfork hated this album. I don't think that is reason enough though.

2 - Sunset Rubdown - Dragonslayer - This is the definition of a grower. I don't think this tops the last one, but it's pretty close.

1 - The Thermals - Now We Can See - I have to admit that this one really turned me around. I always liked it, but when I first heard it I really thought they could have done something better if they hadn't polished it so shiny-like. I mean, I still think that might be true, but it doesn't really matter.

There we go. Three albums made by skinny white guys with guitars.

Music Industry

There was a great article on Gizmodo today from a guy in some old British band detailing the screwing that he is receiving from Warner Music. He references the same Alibini article I linked to a while back.

They're both great reads that highlight why I don't give a shit about the music industry and why "buying music to support the artist" is a load of crap.

A friend of a friend works in the music industry. Universal I believe. He's a great guy. I enjoy hanging out with him even though it's just one of those see-you-around-in-six-months kinds of things, so I don't want this to sound like I'm dumping on him or he's an idiot or anything like that. Anyhow, I first met him a year or two back when the Conservatives had proposed copyright reform and it was all over the news and stuff. I just had to bring it up and ask him what he thought.

The very first thing he said was the same"Did you know that 98% of the bands we sign cost us money?"as handed out in the article. It was the big "we're subsidising music for everybody" argument as to why they're allowed to be such a bunch of assholes. Like it's my fault that they sign a dozen Nickelback wannabees and nobody gives a shit about them.

Well. A bit of beating a dead horse. But I love to pile on the music industry.

Update - Oh man. I love it. There's a class action lawsuit against a bunch of the majors for making and distributing compilation CD's without the permission of the artists, or compensation paid to them. So, based on the precedent that the music industry has set by suing fans ($20,000 per song, per infringement), we're talking 60 BILLION DOLLARS. Which is all kinds of awesome. How is this not a bigger story?

Further Update - The CRIA acts as a hired gun and convinces the crown to charge a small independent record store for selling 100 imported CD's in his record store. Good points made by boingboing.